Saturday, April 4, 2009

Oilers v. Canucks - Matthew 12:22-32

Suddenly a penalty-obbsessed man who was nearly blind in one eye but surely not mute was brought to him, and MacTavish healed him, so that the man could stop complaining and outchance even a formidable opponent like the Canucks. All of his teammates were amazed, and said, "Can this really be a captain in the line of Messier? Unitl now, his leadership has been like that of Corson." But when the fans, who are never satisfied, heard this, they said,"It is only in the spirit of Lamoreillo, the prince of demons, that this man is able to get players to play well, with threats and boring defensive systems!" MacTavish knew their thoughts and said to them, "A house divided cannot stand. Similarly, a city and fanbase splintered by feuding will fall apart. If I, by the power of Lamoreillo and his demons, Vigneault and Lemaire among them, try to overcome those same demons, then the kingdom of evil is divided against itself and their teams are doomed. If you think that I am only able to motivate players with bagskates and defense, by what measure do you and your sons suggest for these millionaire whiners? You don't know! You yourselves are your own judges. But if it is by the Spirit of God I motivate these players to win three, nay, four consecutive games and lead them to the playoffs, then the kingdom of God has come. Or do you think some little imbecile like Rob Schremp could waltz through the Devils, Wild or Canucks like it was a shootout in 2004? Fools! You need a strong man, someone on the Holy Mandelbaum Training Program to defeat a strong man. Then indeed he may plunder his house for points. Whoever is not with me is against me, and whoever boos our team at home is a fool. Nonetheless, every sin and blasphemy will be forgiven to you, but blasphemy against the Holy Mandelbaum Training Program and the Mandelbaums themselves will never be forgiven. Whoever speaks a word against the Mighty Mac will be forgiven, but whoever speaks against the Holy Mandelbaum Training Program will not be forgiven, either in my age as coach or in the coaching ages to come.


Bruce said...

Wonderful. :D

Vic Ferrari said...

Great writing again, Scott.

Temujin said...

And the Prophet Lu said unto them:

I hate-eth Dennis Grebeshkov.

And it was so.

Scott said...

Thanks very much guys.

And Temujin... Lu is nothing but a false prophet. Don't get your hopes up.

P.S. I really enjoy the cartoon in the little picture by your name.